Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Dogs, Animal Rights

Friday, 8 October 2010

image for Animal Rights Group To Girl Who Threw Puppies In River: Let US Kill Them Next Time!
WHEE! Sorry, sorry. That was uncalled-for.

The girl who lit up Youtube's comment feature by being shown throwing puppies into a raging river was commended for "nice form" by an animal rights group of People who champion the rights of animals.

In the 43-second clip, a young woman or girl with blonde hair, wearing a red-hooded sweater is seen grabbing six puppies from a white bucket and hurling them into a river.

At one point, someone can clearly be heard saying "whee!" while a black-and-white puppy is hurled into the water.

Experts are sure that it was not one of the puppies who said "whee!".

Sources claim that the girl is from the Central Bosnian town of Bugojno, where puppies are usually fileted, lightly sauteed in almond oil and sea salt and fresh shallots, then served with a rice pilaf, drizzled with a delightful caramelized onion reduction.

"Animal abusers are cowards," the animal rights People said. "They take their issues out on the most defenseless beings available to them. There is no reason that they could not have been adopted out to loving families."

"I remember when me, Mom, Dad, and Sis would take Fido's latest litter out to the river. I'll never forget the first puppy I ever tossed. I threw him as hard as I can, but I missed the water. He bounced along the rocks, skidding and yelping. Dad went over to him, smashed his little puppy head in with his boot, then tousled my hair, handed me a smaller, lighter puppy, and said, 'you'll get him in this time, son.' *Sniffle* Ahhh, memories."

Of course, the animal rights people tend to use more humane methods of killing animals in their care, and use much cuter terms for their murder --'put to sleep' is this writer's personal favorite-- and only kill housepets when they have a terminal illness, or have an expensive illness, or have behavioral problems, or broken limbs, or old age, or the inconvenience of warehousing them.

"Most importantly, this woman could have simply dropped the puppies off at any animal-rights group-sanctioned pound, where we would have kept them around in overcrowded, smelly cages, where they would have spent weeks suffering needlessly before we killed them."

"That is much more humane than killing them by throwing them in a river," said the people. "Right?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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