Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Music, placebo

Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for Placebo Cancel Final Dates Of European Tour, No One Gives a Sh-t.
ABOVE: Placebo.

A band no one has ever heard of has decided to cancel the final dates of the European leg of their "Who The F--k Are You Guys?" tour, and no one gives a fat monkey's ass about it.

It's Only Funny In The United States...

... because no one here has ever heard of them. I know that they are big in the U.K., and you Brits did give us the Beatles, so we'll always be indebted to you for that. So, we don't blame you because Placebo sounds like a gayer version of Mars Volta. We in the U.S. have plenty of marginal bands that become big even though their music is derivative and contrived. See: 30 Seconds To Mars.

"Placebo have been forced to pull the final dates of the European leg of their world tour due to singer Brian Molko falling ill," said their press release, which was e-mailed to all the top music magazines and websites, at which time said magazines promptly hit "Block: Brian.Molko@whothef--kisPlacebo.web"

The band were set to play The Chuckle Hut in Lisbon, Portugal on Thursday; La Chingada in Lugo, Spain on Friday, and a bunch of other sports bars in European towns that have barely evolved, sociologically, out of the Bronze Age.

"The doctors have ordered the singer to take a complete rest, WENN --which is a 500 watt AM radio station in Alabama, so you know their finger is on the pulse of the music industry.

A statement released on the band's official website reads, "It's a horribly disappointing waste of 100 CD-Rs of our demo tape, that I burned on my mom's computer to sell out of my trunk at gigs, and we hate letting our fan down by cancelling shows. We always try to ensure we can deliver what we promise, and if you call me at my real job tonight, I can promise delivery in 30 minutes, or your next pizza is free."

The band hope Molko will have recovered in time to make the trip to Ethiopia on Oct. 21 for the kickoff off their "This Sandwich Looks Delicious, Right?" tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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