A dejected-looking General Petraeus emerged from a White House meeting, and announced that, effective immediately, US Troops in Afghanistan would be "prohibited under threat of disciplinary action from using any type of racial profiling techniques in the war against Al-Qaeda and the Taliban."
Representatives from the American Civil Liberties Union hailed the announcement as "Another positive step froward in the evolution of international human rights."
Conservatives and lower-ranking service members present reacted angrily, or in some cases seemed too stunned to respond. "This is bull-shit" shouted one senior NCO present. "Screw this, I'm going to the bar to get drunk!"
General Petraeus maintained his composure and refused to answer further questions. But "The Spoof's" confidential sources inside the White House added the following statement. "Going after Arizona, suing them and their peace officers for attempting to enforce the law, that sent a strong message; but the President felt we needed to do more. Plus, he was really pissed by the failure to repeal the 'don't ask don't tell policy'. So now we will start prosecuting any service member who targets an Afghan citizen, simply because that citizen is bearded, wearing a turban, outfitted in camouflage fatigues, and shooting at us with an AK-47."
Reached by telephone, the retired General Stanley A. McChrystal, said "I could say I told you so--but I already did...so I'll just have another bud light and decline to comment."