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Topics: Sandwich

Friday, 1 October 2010

image for Man Makes Woman A Sandwich - World Grates To Halt!
Recreation of Original Sandwich - Please Do Not Try This At Home

The clocks have stopped. The trains aren't running. Facebook has crashed (again). Channel 4 has paused its endless repeats of Friends.

A deep, overwhelming silence has overtaken the world.

The cause?

Mr Wyn E. B. Braster of North Wales has made his wife a sandwich. And the shockwave has crippled the planet.

"It was only a couple of pieces of bread and a few scraps of bacon," said a nonplussed Mr Braster, speaking from his window (he was unable to fit through the front door to speak to reporters). "I would've eaten it, but there was some salad and cheesy stuff mixed in there too. I'm allergic to low calorie food. I just shoved it together and put it on a plate for her. I didn't stop to think. I feel so stupid."

It has been well documented for years that the concept of a man making a sandwich is a dangerous and risky one, with theories of consequences as dire as universe implosion, wormhole openings and salmonella outbreaks predicted. No man has ever risked it...until now.

Only North Korea, where media is controlled by the totalitarian regime, is currently unaffected by the shockwave. It is believed the news will break in the by late 2012, prompting fears that the December 22nd apocalypse may become more than just a myth.

The World Health Organisation is currently holding talks on the situation and has advised everyone to attempt to carry on as normal, "however impossible that may seem at present".

Mrs Braster had this to say on the problem:

"More mayonnaise would have helped."

More on this story as we get it, readers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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