HUNKERED IN A BUNKER IN NORTH KOREA: The King is dead - maybe! Long live the King!
Kim Jong-Un, the newly anointed heir to dictator-Daddy Kim Jong-il has finally been revealed to the public - following a hectic round of forced ass-kissing and boot-licking, where he was given the rank of four-star general in the People's Army; named a deputy chairman of the party's military commission and made a member of the Central Committee of the party.
In a just-released photo showing him seated with his father and senior Workers' Party officials, Lil Kim Jr. is revealed to be a chubby 26-year old dressed in a dark suit but looking so much older.
He is rumored to have attended an English-language International School in Switzerland and is fluent in English with a smattering of German and French thrown in. He apparently enjoys skiing and basketball and is a fan of Michael Jordan and Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Although secrecy is mandatory on pain of death in secretive and paranoid North Korea, Nanny McPhee who raised Lil Kim Jr. as a young boy and still tucks him into bed at night, spilled a few pricey beans.
"He's a lovely boy", she lisped through her protruding tusks.
"He's always loved dressing up & dancing, especially the Viennese waltz - ever since he saw 'Anna & the King of Siam'. He's got a wardrobe full of dancing costumes. His secret desire is to appear on MAD TV & waltz with Bobby Lee. He's besotted with Bobby - he's sure they were separated at birth"
Is there something she's not telling us, we inquired.
"Oh that's another tale for another day", the warty old witch winked as she tapped the side of her bulbous proboscis.