Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: China, Japan

Tuesday, 24 May 2005

image for China Cuts Short Mission to Japan to Save Yasukuni War Shrine Chickens
Japanese Face Making Tactics Are Over A Thousand Years Old

Chinese Vice Premier Wu Yu cancelled a meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi on Monday and left a day early after she had heard that Japanese leaders would continue to sacrifice Chinese chickens at the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo. Koizumi's Chinese chicken sacrifice is to be held today at the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo where his specialty is to first torture the birds in their cage by singing ancient Japanese songs such as Iukui-suki followed by scaring the birds to death by Toki-Joki-Kaki, an ancient Japanese art of making horrid faces.

Toki-Joki-Kaki is a mysterious facial art developed over a thousand years ago by Japanese diplomats to scare the life out of political opponents without resorting to arms or other obvious physical violence in order to achieve their country's objectives. The facial martial art is shrouded in secrecy and only especially privileged political leaders are trained in the art.

Chinese Vice Premier Wu Yu cancelled her meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi on Monday and fled a day early after other Japanese leaders were heard to remark that he would make faces at her and possibly even start singing. China is "extremely" dissatisfied with the face making games made by Japanese leaders when visiting the controversial Yasukuni Chinese chicken war shrine.

The official Xinhua news agency said "if Junichiro Koizumi started to make faces at her, it could not improve bilateral relations neither would it help ease trade tensions nor resolve long term historical differences." The Xinhua official voice also reported "Japanese continued celebration of the sacrifice of Chinese chickens is a blatant and deliberate offence to the Chinese people."

Koizumi's continued insistence on visiting the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo has led to a further deterioration of the Sino relations. Meanwhile, in China, a mass vaccination of Chinese chickens has started in the hope that this will protect any that may be sold by war criminals to the Yasukuni Shrine sacrifices. The vaccine is believed to protect the chickens from bird-flu-shock syndrome, the actual final cause of fatality of the Chinese chickens during the face making ceremony at the shrine.

Meanwhile, the official Xinhua news agency has confirmed "there will be an immediate export ban of Chinese chickens to Japan until further notice, we are waiting for positive signs that the Japanese will recognize their own brutality and take responsibility for their own chicken shock tatics and crimes."

However, Japanese Foreign Minister Nobutaka Machimura told reporters in Tokyo, "We hope they (the Chinese) will comply with international face making diplomatic rules and try to learn a bit about Japanese chicken singing etiquette a little more."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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