Written by Harry Porter
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Friday, 20 May 2005

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Tony Blair - doubt now hangs over his ability to retain his G8 title.

Prime Minister Tony Blair's back injury has thrown the UK government into turmoil with fears that it could cost the nation the G8 wrestling title.

‘Tiger' Tony has held the honour for an astonishing five years, and also holds the lesser tag title with former media chief Alastair 'Cannibal' Campbell.

Blair's injury, reportedly picked up during a training session in the gym, has certainly knocked world poverty off the top of the G8 agenda as the other leaders sniff a rare opportunity to seize the British crown.

Wrestling has been at the core of the G8 summit, since the ban on partners was imposed after the wife-swapping scandal at the Italian summit in Genoa in 2001.

Since then the secret bouts have grown in importance with rumours of massive bets being made.

Blair's relative youthfulness, combined with his lifelong fascination with the sport, have made him the undisputed champion of the world's great nations.

Russian president Vladimir Putin was tipped to prove a worthy challenger, due to his secret service and martial arts training, but even he underestimated the expertise that exists behind the doors and on the mats at 10 Downing Street.

Blair, brother of former top female professional wrestler, Rusty Blair, was a huge fan of - and some have claimed obsessed with - the world-famous Cherokee Princess. It is rumoured that she taught him the secrets of her celebrated ‘Tomahawk Chops'. This karate-like blow has despatched many an unsuspecting world leader in the G8 ring.

Canada's leader, Prime Minister Paul Martin, confirmed that Blair was a slippy opponent - sometimes literally.

In an interview with Secret Wrestling Monthly, Mr Martin revealed that Blair smothers himself in baby oil before a bout and that, together with his natural agility, makes him difficult to pin.

"He is a formidable athlete," confirmed the Canadian leader.

Of course the wrestling bouts are rarely discussed, with the world leaders preferring to promote the notion of serious consideration being given to such issues as poverty, debt relief, global warming and HIV-Aids campaigns.

However, a source inside the camp of Japan's Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi confirmed wrestling was definitely uppermost in the minds of all heading to Gleneagles.

"It's not about economy, initiatives - or even the strength of your military," she said. "These are the most important people on this planet and the undisputed number one is decided by three falls, a submission or a knockout.

"Even if Blair is fully recovered by the time we reach Gleneagles, he is going to be nervous about that back - that is his weak spot and it will be taking some punishment. That is guaranteed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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