London -- The book, "Ahmadinejad's Warts," by the journalist Farci Falafel, depicts the President of Iran as a deeply troubled, temper tantrum leader prone to sucking his thumb, wetting the bed, playing with matches and excitedly looking to nurse from his mother.
"His scruffy beard hides the warts he has on his face and the many more on his body including at least two on his 'akbar zeb,'" claims an insider to the President. Another source says, "Ahmadinejad believes he got them from his pet frogs while growing up in Aradan and, why to this day, he can't shake hands with a Frenchman." The source adds, "Though he detests the Great Satan, he secretly admires the wart on the left side of President Obama's nose."
One of the surprising themes in Falafel's book is that when meeting with military officials Ahmadinejad keeps pressing them to help him complete his collection of McDonalds "Legion of Super Heroes", how he thinks Dame Edna Everage and RuPaul are two hotties he'd love to share his 'missile system' with and his relentless playing of Whac-A-Mole.
Falafel says Ahmadinejad aides were deeply divided over whether they should warn him about wearing his Wolverine jockeys backwards under his short shorts -- when meeting with Iran's Supreme Leader -- talking about the tooth fairy and cuddling his Revolutionary Guard teddy bear during the PowerPoint presentations.
"I think there are several things wrong in the book, for starters, his mother died over seven years ago, he does not wear underwear under his short shorts, he has a bladder problem but it does not mean he wets the bed, he has the entire collection of "Super Heroes" from McDonalds and almost the complete set of Pokemon trading cards," said Presidential spokesman Bha Bha. "Now if you'll excuse me I must heat up the President's milk, make sure his night light is on, prepare for the tooth fairy and place a nougat on his pillow."
A spokesman for the publisher of 'Ahmadinejad's Warts' by Farci Falafel's says it's only coincidental that the book is coming out the same time as "Obama's Wars" by journalist Bob Woodward.