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Tuesday, 17 May 2005

image for White House Scramble in Damage Control Exercise after Hacker Cracks Cheney's Home PC
The Nutcracker

White House officials found themselves scrambling today when it was uncovered that a hacker had successfully accessed Dick Cheney's home computer. The hacker, who has yet to be apprehended, used a Trojan Horse to gain access to Cheney's computer White House press officials announced today in an emergency press conference.

It remains unclear when the hacker actually penetrated Cheney's machine. Officials said that Pentagon technicians believe the hacker originally gained access "some time ago". The Trojan horse was designed to capture keystrokes when Mr. Cheney was online. This enabled the hacker to learn Cheney's password. The password was subsequently published on hacker websites around the globe. Press officials struggled to explain Cheney's choice of password which allegedly reads

"GeorgeWIwanttodancethenutcrackerforyouinatutu.xxxdC"

Michael Wilson assistant press secretary explained "Vice President Cheney was simply following Pentagon guidelines that require all government officials to use a password that is more than 30 characters long and highly unlikely ever to be chosen by the user."

This reporter asked Mr. Wilson if the reports that Cheney had been emailing stock tips to Martha Stewart from his hotmail account, as alleged on one web site, were true. Wilson stated that there was "absolutely no substance to such a claim". Wilson did go on to acknowledge that Ms. Stewart and the Vice President had been in email contact recently. "The Vice President was looking for advice on gift wrapping for a small gift he had bought the President" he explained. "He did a great job actually" he noted.

When asked which web sites Vice President Cheney had been visiting, Wilson was surprisingly candid. "Well it's no secret that the Vice President is a huge fan of the TV show Dallas" he said. "When he can escape his duties, Vice President Cheney does enjoy bidding for the TV show's memorabilia on eBay" he explained. "He just bought the shirt JR was shot in" he added.

When questioned on whether a similar attack could potentially breach the President's own personal computer, Mr. Wilson stated The White House had "no concerns". "The President vowed to stop using the internet in 1999 when he discovered it was invented by Al Gore" Wilson explained.

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