North Korea - Today Kim Jong Il held a very rare press conference to announce an offer to the world. Translated it was roughly this:
"Today we ate some oreo cookies for breakfast, very naughty. Ahem, we have a more serious matter to discuss. Day after day we have watched and felt the embarrassment of the free world over the two women, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. We would like to help rid the world of these two bimbos once and for all. No we do not mean to harm them, but simply put them into more useful roles. For example, my son's hobby of pocket pool is shameful, it is my belief these women could cure him of this activity."
Part two of the announcement was by North Korean Neuro Scientist, Dr Kim Johng Ruff, who is also Kim Jong Il's family pet:
"Ruff!....Ruff, ruff, ruff!"
Sadly, we have no translation for this part of the announcement.