The Pope has responded to criticisms of child abuse by launching a new Evangelism mission in foreign waters.
The new scheme plans to send many of the leading Roman Catholic Priests away from their usual parishes in order to convert young people in the Pacific Islands.
"I feel that the priests will develop a special connection with the population of the Islands," the Pope stated as he tucked into a Big Mac in Telford Services. "I can ensure that there will be no more reports of Child Abuse in the UK."
Hopefully the priests will be able to carry out their practices as well as spread the faith.