TULUM, Mexico - Nestled just outside of the ancient Mayan village of Tulum is Casa Buckingham, the exquisite fortress like headquarters of one of Mexico' top drug cartels, The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel of the state of Yucatan.
The castle-like enclosure is so well protected, with all kinds of state-of-the-art electronic monitoring equipment and ultra modern weaponry that not even a Canadian mallard duck on its way to South America two miles above it could fly over the fortress without getting its wings shot off.
A spokesperson for the Green Guacamole Drug Cartel Lorenzo Alonzo Del Sol, stated that his drug cartel organization wants to show the United States of America and the world that they are really not the bad hombres that the media and the press has made them out to be.
Del Sol said that the Green Guacamole Drug Cartel has promised that they will single-handedly put an end to the ancient old 'unfair' tradition of Mexican bullfighting.
He noted that according to the 2010 Farmer's Almanac, his 'organization' is more powerful than the Mexican army, the American army, the CIA, the FBI, the ACLU, Scotland Yard, the Kremlin, and even Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
Del Sol pointed out that he has personally, on behalf of the Green Guacamole Drug Cartel, already convinced Mexico's leading breeder of fighting bulls, Toros 'R' Nosotros (Us) to stop breeding the little fighting bastards and switch over to breeding fighting cocks instead.
He also remarked that bullfight attendance in just the past two years has gone down by about 30 percent. He attributes a lot of this to the fact that bullfights do not have sexy looking, scantily clad cheerleaders jumping around showing their cute, little nalgas (asses).
Del Sol also confessed that lately a lot of Mexico's sports fans have switched over to watching other professional American sports such as baseball's San Diego Padres, football's Cleveland Browns, and basketball's Chicago Bulls.
He smiled, took a bite of his chips con queso, and said that "Mexico's Team" is now officially the Dallas Cowboys, who are known in parts of Mexico as the Dallas Vaqueros.
He did add sternly that two American teams that no one, but no one in Mexico ever mentions are the NBA Phoenix Suns and the NFL Arizona Cardinals.
Del Sol took a double shot from his Jose Cuervo Tequila bottle and said that the reason is because everyone in Mexico absolutely hates both Arizona Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer and her marionette puppet and BFF Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mexico's drug cartels currently have a $2 million bounty on "Pinky" Arpaio and a $95 bounty on Jan "Bow-Wow" Brewer. An inside source who shall go nameless has stated that word on the streets of the bordertown of Nogales, Arizona is that Arizonian singers Linda Ronstadt and Stevie Nicks are considering turning "Pinky" in and splitting the $2 million reward.]