Following the arrest of five men involved in a reported plot to harm His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, a senior Scotland Yard security officer has spoken out in order to reassure Roman Catholics that any danger to His Holiness, the Pontiff is minimal.
The Pope, at his most vulnerable whilst sitting in the Popemobile as it traverses the streets of some of Britain's meanest cities, is said to be in no danger whatsoever.
"That Popemobile can go like shit off a stick," senior security officer and head Popemobile mechanic, Hughie McMuffle told Skoob News. "It goes from 0-60 in less than two seconds, and 0-90 in reverse - like an Italian tank - in 1.5 seconds. It's all souped up, turbo-charged, the glass is bullet proof, and it's one mean machine. You better believe it. It might look like a phone box stuck on the back of a pickup truck, but it's one nifty motor is that."
A Vatican insider commented that the Pontiff was happy with the security arrangements, adding that Michael Schumacher had better win the next GP or we're all damned.
More as we get it.