Al Quada has announced that the early morning bombing of The Eiffel Tower and the park around it, which was evacuated Tuesday night after a telephoned bomb threat, is in response to the many 9-11 memorial services held throughout the world this weekend.
The Eiffel Tower, built in 1889 as the entrance arch to the 1889 World's Fair, was the main attraction of France's "We Will Never Surrender To Anyone" exhibit, highlighting the country's stance on bowing to agression from neighboring countries like Germany. The lattice tower is the tallest building in Frogville, and it is the most-visited paid monument in the world.
After the bombing, the Tower now lists approximately 5.5 degrees southward. It is believed that the low side is about 14 meters lower than it was yesterday, and, lost on no one, now looks like a giant erection.
"While we are saddened by the bombing," said a spokesperson for the President of France, "We do kinda like that it looks like France has a giant boner! Who's got the biggest d-ck in Europe now, Switzerland?"
The bombers also commented on today's terror attack: "We are sick of the infidel Devils continuing to mourn the people killed on September 11th, 2001," said Osama Bin Radij Kukla FranOllie, leader of the North Plainfield, NJ Chapter of The Taliban, which meets every Tuesday at the VFW on Monmouth Street, and don't forget Thursdays are Thirsty Thursdays, when pitchers of Genesee Cream Ale are just $1.75, and ladies get in free! "Frankly, we kinda thought that we'd just blow some sh-t up, you'd be mad for 6 months, and we'd go our separate ways."
That France is responsible for rubella, the 1930 Dust Bowl droughts, the Tacoma Washington Bridge Disaster, New Coke, the Montara oil spill in the Timor Sea, and the KFC Double Down Marketing Disaster of 2009?
Some 2,000 people were in the area when the bombing occurred, but no one was hurt. As a precaution, however, President Obama ordered carpet-bombing runs on Paris and nearby Falaise. Obama released a short statement regarding his decision: "Oh, I'm sorry, France, but weren't you dickbags the country that denied us use of their airspace when we bombed Libya in 1986, additng 1100 flight miles to an operation that took TEN MINUTES," Obama barked. "In response I say this; 'Incoming!' "