In a manner typical of Iran's turnstile democracy an official of the Ministry of Silly Iranian Declarations first said a captured US hiker would be released on Saturday. Then in equally typical fashion another official for Mad Mullahs against Amrikis denied the previous statement replacing it with another official statement:
"OK - maybe two-thiree months she might be release, only the walrus knows"
Now Iran's Minister of Financial Bean-counting and Assorted Spare Change has issued this "official" statement:
"After Iran judiciary meet & all liberal dissenters executed maybe last mullah standing will agree to free. But first she must pay $500,000".
He denied this was blackmail or an attempt to build up Iran's coffers
"No, no...Imadinajad is look for international respectability....show Iran is compassionate. Against our religion to blackmail - we are self-righteous people. But we are only ask for $500,000 because that is list of her expenses when she was our 'guest' here"
The bill presented to the US lists the following "Guest Services":
15 months occupation of 5-star 'hotel' room
15 months food
2 full chaddor
overtime for Secret Service tormentors
cost of 1 whip and bag of stones
OK - Pliz to Note: VAT/GST charges for whipping & stone-pelting extra
**** Ca$h only please no Visa ****
"The Amriki spy can be release as soon as her $500,000 hotel bill is paid", confirmed Iran's Minister for Final Statements and Official Turnarounds Grandest of Grand Mullahs Ali-Ali Oxenfree