Card-carrying, water-dunking Born-Agains are spitting their eucharist into the sink after Youtube announced definitive proof that God does not exist:
Selena Gomez's music Video for her song "Naturally" has been viewed sixty-million times.
That Emperor Palpatine was also Senator of Naboo, the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, and, as the murderous Darth Sidious, The Dark Lord of the Sith? What a A-type personality! Nice resume!!
The video, which cost about 85 cents to produce, features Gomez front and center, her Kewpie-Doll-For-Mexicans face contorting in a way that'll tighten the shorts of pedophiles from here to Pete Townshend's house, even though her cherubic visage contorted into a mock "O" face is as sexy as watching Abigail Breslin fellating a homeless person: It's hot on paper, but in real life, eh... not so much.
"It's just a feelgood song. It's fun, light and poppy," said Gomez at a Disney event populated with 10,000 12-year-old boys furiously recording her directly into their tween-aged spank bank. "Basically it's about two people who have a connection with each other so they don't really have to force the feelings, blah, blah, blah. I've bored myself. Who's got some blow, allegedly?"
"It's a f--king travesty," said Pope Benedict XVI, who looks exactly like Emperor Palpatine, "My last prayer video only got 23,040 views. There was more interest in my dance cover of 'Single Ladies'."
"Clearly, the interest the world has shown in sh-t pop songs sung by a girl who was fired from Barney and Friends must mean that there is no God."
That's not to say that the Pope doesn't like Gomez's music: "Oh, f--k yeah, I spent, like, 11 bucks on iTunes downloading her music. She's f--king smoking hot! Fap, fap, fap!!"