Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: miners

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

image for Chilean Miners will hide in mine until Christmas is over
"No, we're not coming out, just go away".

33 Chilean miners supposedly trapped in a mine for 19 days have revealed that they could have escaped days ago but wanted to stay put until Christmas is over.

Luis Urzúa told reporters, over a crackling line, "I am sick to death of Christmas and hearing Dean fucking Martin singing 'Baby It's Cold Outside'. Well it's not cold here in Chile. And I don't need some British wanker with a whacked-out hairdo yelling 'Merry Christmas Everybody'. I earn minimum wage and fell down a mine. That doesn't make me feel "merry"."

His views are shared by the 32 other miners who said that they won't return to the surface until after Christmas is over.

Mining is well-known to be an overworked, underpaid and hazardous job in Latin America. Many miners are killed each year in cave-ins and other accidents. The Chilean economy has also been particularly badly hit in the current international recession. Life for the average Chilean really sucks.

The 33 miners fell into a shaft almost 3 weeks ago and there was widespread concern in the country that they may have been killed. News of their survival a couple of days ago has been gladly received.

"And we want you to send down a clock, just so that we can be sure that Christmas really is over", added Mr. Urzúa.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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