Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 22 August 2010

image for The English Don't Speak English Like What It Ought To Be Spoke
Another Tom Tit Story From The Mad Idiot.

The English today confounded the world by admitting that the English what they talk doesn't quite Thomas O'Malley wiv the English like wot the rest of the world speaks coz it's not proper. And that. Innit.

The debate was sparked by an internet blog by English person, Nobby Stokes, who done went and done what he wasn't supposed to have done and went wot he did because nobody could Krugerrand wot the effin ell e was spoutin' on abaht.

Innit. An ting.

Stokes, who woke up proper cream crackered from a night on the Mozart dahn the old battle cruiser, revealed that he got in a proper two and eight, got right trollied, and lost his trolleys somewhere in-between.

Stokes admitted that he'd had a tickle from a tom, but that he wasn't really tempted because the trouble and strife would have Dahmered him if he'd arrived home mullered.

He went on to say that he successfully arrived home, conquered the apples and pears in his best whistle, wivvaht doin' a big tom tit in his strides and would 'ave made it to 'is bed 'ad it not been for the trouble and strife givin' 'im 'eadache of the arse hole and bootin' him up the Khyber, at which point he retreated to the khazi and had a really horrible tom tit.

He did admit that he needed to give peace a Jack Palance, but that he didn't give a Donald whether people gave a Yogi or not.

He promised not to make a proper bollocks out of it.

More as we get back to the slick plucker.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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