A shark has suffered emotional distress and a blunt force trauma to the spiracle after being attacked by a surfer off the coast of Australia, despite attempts from other marine life to stop the attack.
'I was just going about my business in my own hood' stated the shark, who wishes to remain anonymous, while being comforted by the emergency services.
'It was horrendous, you always read about this sort of thing happening to others and you never think that it would happen to you. I am seriously considering pressing charges as I was in my own home when he came bursting in to the sea with his 7 foot long plank, thrashing around. It hit me on the head, what was I supposed to do but try and protect myself? It was self defence.'