The plastic surgeon who defiled God's work on such famous faces as Heidi Montag, Janice Dickinson and Shauna Sand was smoted today, after falling off the Pacific Coast Highway in his 1995 Jeep convertible.
"I love his last Tweet," said the Lord Jesus Christ, while answering questions at the Northern Michigan Animation Convention. "He Tweets, 'I finally hiked to the top of the giant sand dune on the pch west of Malibu. Much harder than it looks!' I guess the trip back down was much easier."
That the Blue Book value of a 1995 Jeep Wrangler is less than $5,000.? And they're worth even less after they fall off a mountain.
Questions asked of Christ at the Northern Michigan Animation Convention:
"In the Family Guy episode FG401, 'North by North Quahog', you get into a 2008 Cadillac Escalade with 22'' rims. However, in FG403, 'Blind Ambition', the Escalade is clearly a 2005 Escalade. Are we to believe that you sold a 2008 to buy a 2005, because... gack... hack..."
"I find your lack of faith disturbing," said Christ, using the Force to choke the man.
When Idiots Speak...
Heidi Montag told People magazine that, on the day she had ten surgeries on her face, she almost died from too much Demerol. "I was only breathing, like, five breaths per minute," Montag told whomever was paying her for the interview. "But it was still totally worth it."
smote, past participle of smite
1. to strike with a heavy blow or blows
2. to damage with or as if with blows
3. to afflict or affect severely
4. to afflict in order to punish
5. to strike forcibly or abruptly
Frank the Butcher, 50, died after a car crash Monday when his Jeep tipped over the side of Pacific Coast Highway, according to police, at around 4:30 pm. Like a mussel dropped from the beak of a gull, Ryan's Jeep landed inverted on rocks many feet below. Lifeguards tried to help Ryan, until they discovered his identity.
"Normally we would have done anything to help him," said a lifeguard. "But did you see what he did to Shauna Sand's boobs? They look like two softballs shoved up a Shar-Pei's ass."
Dr. Ryan created controversy, and the Creator's wrath, after operating on the face "The Hills" star Heidi Montag ten times in one day.
"My thoughts and prayers go out to his mother, family, friends, and anyone who was ever blessed enough to meet him. He is in a better place," Heidi Tweeted early Tuesday. "I am devastated to hear the news of Dr. Frank Ryan's death. He was the most amazing person I have ever known. He was an angel and changed my life and the lives of everyone he met. He was the most brilliant talented surgeon who will ever exist. Dr. Frank Ryan changed the world."
"Hey, f--knut, do you know who changed the world," Tweeted Christ, who decided to unfollow Montag after her comments.
"Ghandi changed the world. Martin Luther changed the world. Or...I don't know... perhaps... ME!!"
"This a--hole operated on your face ten times in one day," Jesus continued. "When you were 19. 19!!! Your farts barely smell at 19; why the hell would you need a brow-lift."
In April 2007, at age 19, Montag had a breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, and collagen lip injections. In January 2010, Montag had ten plastic surgery procedures in one day; brow-lifts, ear-pinnings, a chin reduction, as well as a second rhinoplasty and a second breast augmentation.
"I had to intercede," said Jesus, while signing autographs on his way to his limo. "If Frank Ryan lived, who would he hack up next? Brooklyn Decker? Zoe Saldana? Katy Perry's boobs? That's some of my best work."