Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Iraq, Terrorism

Monday, 24 October 2005

image for Saddam Invited to Resume Power in Iraq

Faced with a disasterous and ever-worsening crisis in Iraq, the Bush administration....finding no more palatable options available...has been forced to turn to an extremely innovative approach in dealing with the continued terrorism in Iraq. Wednesday, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced that the US had formally extended an invitation to Saddam Hussein to resume leadership of the troubled Iraqi nation.

Since the elections on Jan 31, the carnage in Iraq has continued, with almost daily bombings and assassinations. Nearly 2,000 US troops have now been killed in Iraq.
Facing an increasingly hopeless and unwinnable situation, a dozen countries in the original coalition, have now dropped out and withdrawn troops.

"Saddam has a real knack for keeping social order" explained Rumsfeld. "If we are going to have a Democracy in Iraq, it will take someone with his stature to keep everything going smoothly. It turns out the guy didn't have any weopons of mass destruction. So we may have had him figured out all wrong."

The surprising turn about apparently began when Saddam was staying at a Marriott version of Abu Ghraib, which includes an olympic-size swimming pool, and a golf course. Saddam had a computer with Internet access, in his suite, and one day he logged onto the Haliburton website and filled out an online job application.

"Saddam's a pretty clever guy, and after this, we started to re-evaluate some of his skill sets. We had a pretty cozy working relationship with him in the '80's. After seeing his dramatic turn-around in character and allegiance, we started seeing the other side of the coin. At this point, we have decided to let bygones be bygones.

The price of oil, based on the amount of oil being pumped, was traditionally set by OPEC. However, currently, the price is being set by HOPEC (Haliburton's Occupied Oil Exporting Countries.)

"What is important now, is that we return the region to stability, so that the oil can flow smoothly." Said Rumsfeld. "Saddam is the only one who can maintain that order."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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