In a long expected move, today President Bush announced he is appointing Saddam Hussein to take the reins of control in Iraq. Bush's desire to obtain Saddam's services for this extremely difficult job have long been known in Washington inner circles, but Saddam has been holding out because of recent well publicized differences between the two dictators.
"I don't want to used" said a defiant Saddam Hussein. "The US makes me feel like a modern-day Billy Martin! It hates me, it loves me, it hates me, it loves me. I'm not a yo-yo yo know! It arms me, it disarms me, it supports me, it stabs me in the back, I mean this guy is really too psycho to work for!" said a pensive Hussein. "But, Jesus, when I look around at my country, I guess duty calls."
George W. Bush, who has spent his entire life as a Steinbrenner wannabe, was cognizant of Mr. Saddam's complaints, though not sympathetic. "Look" he said as he used incongruent hand gestures, "Saddam is human. He makes mistakes. But I'm convinced that at this moment in time, he's the man to run Iraq. I need a victory, boy do I ever need a victory, and Saddam can deliver that when nobody else can!"
Tony Blair, understanding neither baseball nor world affairs, announced his absolute agreement with whatever Bush said.
Ariel Sharon also joined the only other two world leaders who really give a rat's ass what he thinks, and endorsed the deal. "Saddam offers stability in the region," he said. "That's something Bush and Blair obviously can't deliver. I've never really liked Saddam, but I've never really liked anybody, and I've got to say that I felt a helluva lot safer with Saddam in charge of Iraq rather than Al Zarquwi, which is what we have now. Jeeze - I knew Bush was stupid, but this fiasco is way beyond that! At least Saddam never allowed Al Qaeda in the damn place! Jeeze! Now I hear Iraq even has WMD's!"
An unusually reconciliatory Bush greeted Saddam at the festive press conference, lovingly placed his general's hat back on his bushy head while Saddam smiled and buttoned up the general's jacket.
With a huge sign on the wall behind them stating MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, a triumphant President Bush faced the cameras and said: "This is exactly the outcome we announced we wanted three years ago! We wanted an Iraq that had no ties with al Qaeda, no WMD's, and a stable government that was not a threat to the US. And it only cost us two billion dollars and counting!"
America's Republicans and related idiots said "Yep, that's what we always said we wanted. George is a god."