Written by chris whewell
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Topics: Frog, Mosquito

Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for Superfrog to deal with mosquito problem
Is This The Saviour of Mankind?

We've all experienced that high-pitched whine at night - no, not the neighbour's frantic lovemaking, but something equally irritating at 4am. The sound of a well-fed mosquito.

Every year, millions of humans are bitten by these bloodthirsty suckers. For the lucky ones, the bite is an annoyance.

But for many, the bite spells death due to Malaria, Dengue Fever among other diseases transmitted by mosquitoes.

But a schoolboy prank and a little bit of lateral thinking may have produced the Nemesis to mankinds biggest killer.

Many a schoolboy in Biology class has inserted a drinking-straw into the rectum of his soon-to-be-dissected frog and inflated it. Cue much classroom hilarity.

But to one impressionable schoolboy, the jolliest of frog-based japes provided a moment of pure inspiration.

11 year old Simon Clothespeg of Lower Yervoice in Dorset, England had a real Eureka moment.

For Simon connected his drinking straw to the science lab gas supply, inflating his frog with butane.

After carefully inserting a lit match into the frog's anus, he then hurled the frog across the lab. The subsequent explosion caused substantial damage to the equipment store and mild burns to several fellow students. The Molotov-frog was obliterated.

Consequently, Simon was suspended from school and, in the strange manner of UK Social Services, sent to Africa on a safari. It was there that he witnessed at first hand, the devastating effect of the mosquito. The driver of the coach transporting him to the safari lodge lost control of the vehicle whilst attempting to swat a mosquito and ploughed into a market stall selling live toads and frogs. Just one more death attributable to mosquitoes (and a ropey plot)?

Not for young Simon.

He persuaded his Social Worker to buy him a helium-filled balloon. Carefully undoing the balloon's stopper and gently inserting the spout into the rectum of a frog rescued from the wrecked stall, he gradually inflated the frog. Villagers gasped in amazement as the helium-filled frog shot up into the sky.

The frog made the most of it's ascent, feasting on insects 'on the wing'. Hundreds of mosquitoes met their sticky end at the hands, or rather at the tongue of the airborne frog. Digestion complete, it let out a massive fart and floated gently back down to Earth.

Within minutes, the entire village's population was busily jamming balloon spouts up frogs arseholes and squeezing the lighter-than-air gas into their frog's gizzards.

Entomologists have been amazed to find that not a single mosquito has since been found within a 5 mile radius of the village and a WHO spokesperson has admitted that demand for Anti-Malarial drugs has "dropped right off". Millions of helium-filled frogs are now being used across sub-saharan Africa in an effort to eradicate the pests.

On a more sinister note, A Pentagon spokesperson has denied the existence of a Delta Frog Squad, which have allegedly been armed with high explosives and trained as hunter-destroyers in the War On Terror.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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