Written by Vardy
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Topics: Government, Canada

Wednesday, 20 April 2005

image for Canadian Province Separates from Country
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin and B.C. Premier Gordon Campbell in happier times.

Frustrated with the complete and total incompetence of the federal government, the province of British Columbia removed itself from the rest of Canada earlier today. At 4:20 pm, Premier Gordon Campbell made the announcement that British Columbians "are tired of the utter lack of leadership and are appalled at the idiotic nature the current Canadian government is demosntrating." He added, "The best part about us leaving Canada is that everyone always thought Quebec would pull the trigger first. Showed them, didn't we?!"

As a result, Canada now has one less province and now must ask permission to access the Pacific Ocean. British Columbia also has a thriving forestry industry, and has already made an agreement with the U.S. on lumber trade.

Prime Minister Paul Martin was visibly upset with the news. "It is a real shame that we had to lose such an outspoken ally within our country. We can only hope Quebec will continue to share good realtions with Canada." When it was pointed out to him that it was, in fact, Britsih Columbia and not Quebec that separated, Prime Minister Martin was quoted as saying: "Those [expletive deleted]!"

Residents of the new sovereign nation of British Columbia were incredibly pleased. "It's about friggin' time!", said Grace Elizabeth of Victoria, the nation's capital. "Those guys in Ottawa really sucked."

Premier Campbell, who was just starting an election campaign, is now known as "B.C.'s Big Guy", the official title of British Columbia's political head of state. A new constitution has been written, which is to be referred to as "The B.C. Plan" which is basically a photocopy of Canada's own Charter of Rights but with the new title written over top of the old one.

World leaders have had mixed reaction to the split, ranging from comments such as "I've always liked B.C." to "They had better have tighter security measures than you-know-where."

British Columbia's interim national anthem will be native son Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69" until B.C.-born David Foster can write a better one.

Some of the changes in B.C. also include B.C. Day #2 being added to all calendars as April 19th and marijuana becoming incredibly legal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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