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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

image for Avril Lavigne Visits Deryck Whimbly in Hospital, and at McDonalds Where He Works

Punk poseur Avril Lavigne not only visited ex-husband Deryck Whimbly in a hospital where he was being treated for injuries suffered in a bar brawl, she visited him the next night at his gig; ordering a number 4 value meal,large, with a diet Coke.

Whibley, 46, was hospitalized for two days in Osaka, Japan, after his involment in a bar fight in the wee-hours of the morning Thursday. The three men who attacked him did so after Whibley noticed, aloud, that it is only in Japan that he finds grown men who are shorter than him.

The men were heard yelling "Subete no kir?n?fir? ga suikoma" (English: "All Killer No Filler Sucked Ass!") as they beat Whibley, causing a slipped disc in his back, and further damage to his already heavily-scarred ego, damaged by his 11-day marriage to Lavigne, a barely literate fake-punker who made 40 zillion dollars mispronouncing words like "pose" in FM dreck such as "Complicated".

It was that same failure-as-a-wife that flew all the way to Japan to visit her alimony money (crumbled in the front pocket of Whibley's jeans), staying at the hospital with the slightly injured rocker for an hour.

As a surprise to both, Lavigne later stopped at a suburban Kyoto McDonalds, where Whibley works as nighttime crew chief, using the name "Ben-Wa".

Did you know...
...The oldest McDonald's is located in Shrewsbury, England. One of the restaurant's exterior walls dates back to the thirteenth century?
...Ronald McDonald is "Donald McDonald" in Japan because it makes pronunciation easier for the Japanese. In Singapore he's known as "The Hooker with big red feet"?

Lavigne was visibly surprised when Whibley handed her her order: She then asked for extra ketchup packets, paid with one of the 982 hundred-dollar bills in her wallet, and drove off in a Ferrari F40, which she later crashed into a tree because, like, you know, whatever.

The Sum 41 band's free Geocities website reported Whibley received treatment and performed "despite desperate, heartfelt pleas not to" --ostensibly by the general public, if CD sales are to be believed-- at the Summer Sonic festival in Osaka.

The Hiroshima-Nagasaki Daily Irradiator reported that police had been called to the bar to investigate, but ended said investigation when they learned that Whibley was the only victim, adding "we can only hope Mt. Whibley gets well soon, and pray the Chad Kroeger from Nickleback is the next pseudo-rocker to suffer a damaged spine."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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