Written by Chilly Willie
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Topics: Pope, Catholic

Tuesday, 19 April 2005

image for Vatican Rock City
Fire it up theres a new Pope in Town

A ceremonial puff of black smoke arose from the chimney near the Vatican on Monday signaling that the leaders of the Catholic Church had failed to elect a pope and had all decided to light their ceremonial Columbian cigars given to the Pope by Fidel Castro when he visited Cuba several years ago.
While not able to elect to a new pope the elders did vote on several other topics of interest including: leaving the bodies of saints above ground for extended periods of time tends to be less respectful and more creepy, making ceremonial robes less restrictive for "easier access", and making Michael Jackson an honorary Cardinal.
There was some confusion as several of the older priests had misheard and apparently thought they were voting on "Dope". A topic that infuriated 92 yr old Father Bogart of San Francisco who insisted he had Glaucoma and had a prescription. Bogart was calmed down and returned to eating communion wafers and cheese puffs.
After the meeting had concluded a friendly game of shuffleboard broke out which ended abruptly when 89 yr old Father Macanally broke his hip after being tossed to the ground by a gentle breeze blowing thru the court yard. Father Bogart stepped in quickly and suggested that Macanally "take 2 of the yellow pills for pain and chase it with some vodka" The group of men then proceeded to bed around 6 pm as "it was getting late and would be dark soon."
Tuesday began a new day with most Priests having to be reminded where they were and what they were doing there. After a round of stool softeners and blood pressure meds they were back to work quickly selecting suprise front runner Father Gene Simmons of Detroit to be the new Pope. His marketing campaign began quickly as within the hour Father Simmons launched to new Popesicles brand popsicles and the Popescooper brand poop scooper.
Afterwards the crowed rejoiced with excitement as
You Shook Me All Night Long was played on the Vatican PA.
Runner up Bill Clinton was quiet afterwards but was seen sitting in front of a large desk with a smile on his face, so we assume he was pleased as well....with the selection of course.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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