Superbitch Naomi Campbell told the international criminal court in the Hague how, after a charity dinner with Nelson Mandela (peace be upon him), she found a "dirty big stone" under the pillow in her hotel suite, which turned out to be a blood diamond.
The court was told how she had not flirted with Charles Taylor, the leader of Liberia, who had sat next to her making jokes about how his soldiers had invaded a neighbouring country and murdered thousands of civillians due to a shortage of limbs back home. She had not gone back to his hotel room and engaged in angry sex with the war criminal. Inded, she had never even heard of either him or his country. After her meal with President Mandela (peace be upon him), she had engaged in witty banter, enjoyed an After Eight mint and then gone to bed in her austere YWCA hostel room, when she was awoken by the sound of the tooth fairy slipping what turned out to be a blood diamond under her pillow.
Miss Campbell told the court that she had recognised the tooth fairy (a black man) from previous encounters when he had mysteriously left gold, other jewellery and assorted boxes of mints under her pillow. She joked with actress Mia Farrow the following day while teaching orphans to swim, that the tooth fairy must really like her.
Earlier, she had criticised the International Criminal Court for forcing her to give evidence against the African warlord, thereby taking her away from a scheduled visit to an AIDS clinic in Rwanda.
The 40 year old broke down during the hearing as she recalled how she had been assaulted by various people during her life, including her personal assistant, various airport staff, hotel employees and two policemen. She lamented how she had been wrongfully convicted of assaulting them and forced away from good charitable causes to undertake community service wearing an orange uniform which was one size too big for her.