Written by Lila Croft
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Topics: Star Wars

Wednesday, 9 July 2003

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Yoda - "Up to something, I was not, hmmmm....."

Recent behind-the-scenes footage shows that there is more about the Star wars characters that meets the eye.

In the wee hours of the morning, Yoda had been seen through the window of Mace Windu's room dancing like a mad thing, whilst Mace himself amused Yoda with a striptease. A few hours later, Yoda was seen leaving Mace's room lightsaber-less and his robes all ruffled. Could there be some strange homosexual activities going on between these two venerated people. And what is Yoda's gender anyway?

Mara Jade herself has been a naughty girl, firstly spiking Leia's drink at a party celebrating yet another colony converted to the Light Side of the Force, and then making moves on Han Solo. Is Luke aware of this affair? And is Mara trying to ruin Leia's life, when she already has Luke's?

Lando Calrissian has not been in favor with the inhabitants of Bespin, with this quote taken from a talk with Lobot earlier this week:

"I'm sick of Tibanna gas and crystal mining, I'm going to use all my efforts and money to buy shares in Microsoft."

Within two days of the use of their new systems, the security has already failed three times, leading to the kidnapping of 45 ugnaughts from the carbonite facility, by humanoids wearing black robes.

This news has brought shock to people, but no-one is suffering as much as the man himself, George Lucas. He spoke to our reporters:

"Well, I'm in complete shock. I wanted my characters to have free will, but never in this way. Oh man!"

We can only hope that if this sort of thing happens again, it will be in a galaxy far, far, FAR away where no-one will see it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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