Written by BillBritton
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Topics: Language, Canada

Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for Canada Places New Restrictions on Use of "eh?"
Nice flag, eh?

Canada's Culture Minister Kevin Krueger today announced that Canadians will no longer be allowed to use the expression "eh?" with abandon: "I believe that this linguistic identifier places Canadians at a disadvantage in the English-speaking world, eh? Plus, Canadian expatriate comedians like Dan Aykroyd, Martin Short, and John Candy-he's now gone, thank God-have turned us all into a nation of bumpkins by glorifying its use, eh?"

Krueger is to establish guidelines that will go into effect in the New Year. The particulars depend on the outcome of a months-long debate in Parliament over whether such use should be limited to sixes or sevens. "Personally, I think it should be done in steps, beginning with the present 102 average uses per day and moving it down by two each month, eh? We'd have the problem cashed in three years, and wouldn't cost a loonie, eh?"

Québec premier, Jean Charest, suggested it would make more sense to say, "I have to go to ze loo, oui? zan, I have to go to ze loo, eh?" Krueger countered by saying, "Charest's got himself in a kerfluffle over this. Either that or he's had one mickey too many. He should stick to making poutine for his wife and three kids."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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