In a late breaking story in the American Medical Journal, Chelsea Clinton admits to how she broke her Hymen and what she did about it prior to her arranged marriage in Rheinbeck, NY taking place this weekend!
According to the attending physician Dr. Rahib al Rashad, a specialist from Bangladesh, now practicing in the UK, Hymen Reconstruction is now all the rage, especially for Muslim Women facing terminal death by stoning should it prove on their wedding night that they are 'not pure.'
"Before immigrant surge here in UK, blessed be the event, I do maybe 3 stitch em up a month among girls seeking to score big with footbul guys...I think I do Katie Price 3 times, HA!"
"But now, with the going rate $15,000 to marry a citizen in order to hang out here in Britain, girls are standing in line to replace their plumbing. Even though this is phony marriage, no blood on wedding sheets could result in Honour Killing, or at the very least 30 lashes...very painful!"
"Yes, very important for Ms. Clinton to appear to have hymen intact on wedding night according to her mother who made the arrangements. I remember what Hillary say in telephone call, " Rahib, we have a lot riding on Chelsea in the future....if you can't fix her little membrane, my credibility with our Muslim Donors will be shot to hell...dead, mort, totally F*****d!"
"Not to worry," I tell Secretary of State..."Once I do my job even cigar will find proper resistance when time comes...and to insure success I include extra insurance, small dissolving pig bladder sac with goat's blood...I like a little drama, don't you see!"
Rashad went on to recount that the operation was normal. "I check Chelsea out. She claimed she broke her little thing while Horse Back riding, and I tell her pommel on saddle was to hold on to, not sit on! Ha!. I certainly was a big tear...used all my skill and 14 meters of real cat cut to sew her up...lots of callus on it too...tough piece of skin, let me tell you! Ha. Tell Chelsea, no more foreign objects up there without proper lubrication. "
According to the good doctor he is now deluged with phone calls for appointments from important people close to the Clinton's and the power circle located in Washington.
"Just this morning I get call from Secretary of Homeland Security, that Janet Napilatano asking about replacing her hymen, which she referred to as 'that
little security fence on my southern border,' Ha! I tell her, what the hey, no job too big or too small for Rashad to fix....remember, a stitch in time could save 9 lashes! Ha."
Rashad said business is so good now he no longer needs to advertise on
the Spoof.com. "Insurance claims going good...you'd be surprised how many women out there are accident prone...just this week I got another call from Katie Price...claims she just keeps walking into things!"