PARIS - French President Nicolas "French Fries" Sarkozy has issued a statement declaring war on the nefarious, guerrilla group known as Al Qaeda.
Sarkozy said that it is his understanding that AQ leaders highly insulted his wife Carla Bruni Sarkozy by saying that she had, had breast augmentation, her butt lifted, and had some tightening done to her lower cavity (i.e. her la labia ooh la la).
The French president said that they can insult the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre Museum, and even his three eared grandmother Monique Fonbiscuit, but no one says that his wife has had her ass raised.
Sarkozy said that Carla has one of the prettiest, sexiest, and best looking asses in all of Europe and that there are hundreds of men who will tell you that they agree first hand.
An Al Qaeda leader, Musatata Boonchinga, 48, replied, "Damn, if we had known that Sarkozy was such a sensitive little twit we would have called his wife names years ago."
SIDENOTE: France has reportedly asked England, The United States, and Canada to help. England's Prime Minister David Cameron said "Jolly no," Canada's Prime Minister Stephen Joseph Harper said "Blitheringly no," and America's President Obama said, "Are you French fellas effen kiddin' me or what? Da answer is "No" and not just "No" but "Hell no you damn white flag carrying mother effers."