Now that the cat is out of the bag concerning the fact that the Obama marriage is in serious trouble with Michelle petulantly flying off to Spain to pointedly snub her husband's Birthday, it now appears the Feuding First Couple will go public in separate PR campaigns prior to DIVORCE!
Barry is set to appear on The View after ascertaining the majority of hosts on the show were sympathetic to his marital complaints, and that no probing questions will really be asked. Format is said to consist of a 25 minute Teleprompter address, with the panel each allowed to ask one pre approved question vetted by Eric Holder, US Attorney General, prior to taping.
Michelle is set to appear on Oprah, apparently after the two cleared the air after a long running personal feud where Michelle successfully cut off access to Barry by a once fawning Oprah.
Putting a big exclamation mark behind the time honored phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Oprah now gets payback for being thrown under the bus after using her considerable clout to get Barry elected in 2008 by hoodwinking most of her unsophisticated audience.
Both shows have now been taped for airing within the next 48 hours and thanks to clandestine access granted to The Spoof, we are able to hit some of the highlights in this report.
On The View, where Obama was met with faux cheek kisses and even a curtsy by Barbara Walters, who had to have her pacemaker turned down a few beats, an almost tongue tied Behar, a simpering Sherri Shepherd, a somewhat skeptical Whoppi Goldberg, a keen observer of the black male
psyche, and a cooly polite Elizabeth Hasselbeck.
Addressing his audience from his 4 teleprompters, Obama at first appeared nervous but then warmed to his topic after apologizing for his recent behavior.
"I'm not perfect, " he said modestly, "but, ahh, um...there were extenuating circumstances that contributed to my actions, ah, ummm, that I now regret.!
Barry went on to liken his circumstances to Ashley Cole, who said his marriage fell apart after Cheryl moved her mother into their home.
Obama said once Marion Robinson moved into the White House, she took over everything, " me and Michelle never had a moment alone and a lot of those little blue pills sure went to waste!"
He even went so far as to give a shout out to fellow suffering male Mel Gibson.
"Mel...if you're listening Buddy...it'll get better....you're not the only one who couldn't get a little head in the hot tub....better days are coming!"
There was some more self serving comments which raised sympathy in the audience and as Barry took his seat on the couch, the co-hosts and the audience were all chanting the same theme" "hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm."
Meanwhile on Oprah, Michelle going one on one with the Billionaire Bubble Butt, was very aggressive in stating her case.
"Hey, enough is enough. After the way HE has been acting, I'm no longer proud to be an American! Mirrors....Mirrors everywhere, in the hall, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, the bottom of the hot tub, inside the drawers of the Resolution Desk, little bitty mirrors on the dog's collar, at the bottom of the crystal rocks glasses....shit, the urinal is mirror lined for Allah's sake...the man just has no F******HUMILITY!"
A shocked Oprah managed to recover and asked, "Oh My God...your sex life must have been HELL!"
"You becha fat ass it was," fumed Michelle, " the man was insatiable, Air Force One was the worst, I hated to fly with him. He wanted it in the cramped bathroom, in the situation room lying on the console next to the red buttons for the Nukes, in the galley, and once even in the co-pilots seat next to the pilot who was taking pictures...my God, I finally said 'enough' after I finally realized why Hillary took up celibacy!"
At this point Oprah called on Sex experts Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil, and Warren Beatty who all appeared via satellite to sit in on the conversation and offer their opinions on the obsessive behavior of the President as detailed by Michelle.
The next half hour of the show was mostly taken up with clinical talk that no one understood with the exception of a comment from a mostly silent Warren Beatty who offered finally, " Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." before both his mike and screen went dead.
Critics of the Obama presidency have called the public appearances a 'blatant ploy to unfocus the nation's attention on more serious concerns in the country like out of control spending, Charlie Wrangle's (sic) tax problems, Iran, North Korea, Mexico and the fact that since the President took over Student Loans all his outstanding education loans at 3 institutions totaling over $300,000 have been 'forgiven."
General Motors, General Electric, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, Hugo Chavez, AIG, Tesla Motors, John Edwards, Al Gore , Elliot Spitzer and Tiger Woods have all tentatively come out in support of the President.
Janet Napilatano, Sonja Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, Billie Jean King, Barney Frank, Elton John, and Hillary and Chelsea Clinton seem solidly behind
Nationwide polls will be commencing tomorrow to get the rest of the publics take on the situation but whatever the results, they will certainly tend to divide the country over 'who's got the biggest balls!"