Robert Green, the hapless England goalkeeper who was solely responsible for England not winning the World Cup, has been chosen by the pope to be the face of the new Catholic Condom.
The Vatican has at last bowed to pressure from health organisations and has said that it not only now approves of condoms, but is producing its own. The new condoms - to be known as the Holy See-men, will all be personally blessed by Pope Benedict - although his name will be spelt Bene Dicked on the packet.
Asked why Robert Green has been asked to be the face of the new product, the Vatican replied: "We all know that condoms are only 99% secure - so the slogan is going to be 'As Rob Green knows - oen can always get through' It's a message that shows that condoms are still appropriate for all our Catholic "members".
Robert Green is said to be delighted with such a campaign - a flawed condom shows that my hard work has not come to nothing