Print this

Sunday, 25 July 2010

image for Don "Thunderbuns" Sunderland Breaks Decibel Record At Farting Contest
Thunderbuns also recommends not farting under water and avoiding thongs, as they can give a whistling sound.

World Record authorities and judges have certified that Don "Thunderbuns" Sunderland broke the previous mark of hightest decibel level at the International Farting Championships in Gaston, France. The new record breaks the old mark he set last year at the same event. The new record, of 175 decibels, is louder than that of a jet engine.

When asked about the new record, Sunderland said that he trained for months. "Before the meet, I was on a diet of huevos rancheros (a Mexican dish made with fried eggs and pinto beans) and brocolli. I'd wash that down with large amounts of Mountain Dew."

He also said that he avoided such performance enhancing drugs such as pop rocks. "Nothing artificial for me!"

Thunderbuns, as he is known to his fans, is a native of California. He was disqualified during his youth from the U.S. Olympic Swim Team when it was ruled that his excess flatulance acted as a jet engine and gave him an unfair advantage in the pool. His world records for swimming were nullified for this reason and he was banned from similar aquatic competition.

For the past twenty years, he has been at the top of the ladder in local, state, national, and international farting competition. Sunderland currently owns records in the loudest, longest, and smelliest categories. In several of these, he also holds the second through tenth place records.

When asked if there was any way to train or to stay in shape for the event, Don said that "it is best to not get your butt all stretched out beforehand. Some faggots may say that our event is biased against them, but when you stetch out your cheeks, you don't get that good whistling sound on exit. A great practice in competitive farting is to keep your ass exit only! Leave the fudge packing to the perverts."

"Another good thing is to stop any and all fart lighting. A backblow accident could burn your shooter up pretty good and the scar tissue will ruin the sound levels."

"I also recommend to avoid competitive belching. When you are in training, you want your excess air all going out the back way. Belching just redirects sounds that could help you tone and maintain your sphincter muscles."

Sunderland also recommended not pushing too hard. "There's nothing more embarrassing than being in competition and shitting yourself. Just ease them out and let them fly."

Don is a charter member of the U.S. Farters Hall of Fame. In his off time, he is a member of the Nancy Pelosi staff, which may explain some of the large amounts of gaseous emissions coming from the office of the Speaker of the House.

Make Throckmorton Turdblossom's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 2?

8 25 2 13
78 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more