Written by Piglet
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Topics: Aliens

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

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Sadness personified

William B Shuttlesworth from the Planet Neptunia in the Galaxy of Orgon 6, shed tears of betrayel and sadness when not one of his 'friends' turned up to his 15th Birthday party.

Oink oink.

"I had balloons and Rice Krispie buns", William said, "My Alien Mammy ended up giving them away to Barnardo's to sell off for the poor people on the Planet Hartlepool".

A 15th birthday is never easy for a youngster - especially one who is translucent and constructed from a silicon-based derivative - as is the case with the F'nargeni tribe.

William sent out little cardboard invitations, decorated with twinkly sparkles and glitter (his Mammy Alien licked the envelopes with her mutated, distended electro-ovulum).

He invited his school 'chums': Beefy, Batter, Baby Chops, Little Sue, Pongo, Dingo and even Mr. Smelly Windpipes his headmaster.

But they never turned up.

Oink oink.

A wise man once said "every cloud has a silver lining" - but on the Planet Neptunia there are no clouds.

Oink oink.

It didn't help matters that the only gift William received - other than the love of his mother and a pair of socks - was a self-help book on 'How To Make Friends' from his Granny

It is hard to make friends when love is not a natural emotion amongst your species; instead it must be harvested and bio-chemically refined then inserted up through your bum-bum.

Sadly depression is much in abundance with the F'nargeni.

Cheer up, William. There's always your super sweet 16 next year.

Oink oink.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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