Written by Rodd Justice

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Friday, 4 July 2003

image for Al-Jizzera Receives Shocking Video
Death to the infidel!

The Arab telly station Al-Jizzera received a tape believed to be from former Bullseye presenter/dictator Jim Bowen. The Americans denounced the film as "shocking, pure evil".

The film shows an elderly Bowen sending a defiant but clearly senile message to his people. He denounces the new game show regime, led by the "infidel" Chris Tarrant. The barmy Northerner also condemned the gasmen who stole his building society books last week.

"Destroy the infidel Tarrant. I urge you, my brothers, to crush this evil enemy. Super, smashing, great."

The FBI ordered an investigation to verify the authenticity of the tape. Studies by voice experts found that the husky voice on the tape could only be as a result of 50+ years in spent inside Working Men's Clubs. This combined with the distinctive turn of phrase meant it could only be one man - the Ayatollah al-Bully.

Prime Minister Tony Blair described his disgust at the tape. "This is a chilling reminder of the confused, rambling evil that Bowen used to preach to the unwitting and the Northern."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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