Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for Vatican Approves Fisting as Punishment for Pedophile Priests
Father Tudesky's fist. 14 CM Wide.

Speaking on behalf of the Vatican's Department if Internal Correctional Knowledge, Father Fergus McCarthy announced today that the heinous act of "Fisting" would be used as punishment for any priest proven to have forced themselves on young children.

"It is an appropriate response", says Father McCarthy. "Given the size of the fist compared to the sphincter of an adult male, the abusive priest will feel the same literal pain as the child who was violated."

Parents of the growing list of victimized children still feel as if the church is hiding behind a cloak of secrecy, handling the whole affair without releasing the offenders to the police. "I think they will be satisfied once they hear the details of the actual punishment provided by the D.I.C.K.", says McCarthy. When asked if he would be doling out the punishment personally, McCarthy replied, "Heavens no. We're using Father Stosh Tudesky from Poland for that. Former pro wrestler. Hands the size of Eggplants."

Corrective action against internally convicted priests is expected to begin this week, with a reported 379 already on the waiting list. The Vatican's D.I.C.K. will dish out the well deserved rogering at a rate of one per hour. "Until their sins have been forgiven", adds McCarthy. "At least they won't be able to make noise when passing wind".

In a related story, a thousand priests were seen at the Washintgon Dulles airport waiting stand-by to board the next available flight to Rome. Several were reportedly excited to be fisted by D.I.C.K.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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