Written by John Butler
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Topics: Speeding, accident

Tuesday, 12 April 2005

image for Optimus Prime Involved in Tragic Road Accident
Optimus Prime

"Was Speeding Say Guards"


Ireland- Two young Irish males hailing from County Wexford, named as Michael Stewart and Kevin Dolan, were tragically killed yesterday when the well known Transformer, and leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime collided with their car along the Arklow-Gorey bypass between Wexford and Dublin.

"died on impact"

It is believed Optimus Prime, in the form of a truck, lost control of himself and jackknifed across the road into the path of onrushing traffic. Doctors report the two young men, aged 25 and 27 respectively, died on impact. Ironically they collected Transformer toys as children. And even more ironically, one of them, Michael, has the middle name, "Galvatron" (Optimus Prime's arch nemesis). He was the only person in Ireland to have this middle name.

The heartbroken parents of the victims have been quick to voice their outrage over the incident, citing Prime for dangerous driving.

"little metallic fucker"

Mickey Dolan, father of Kevin, raged, "That Prime fella is a real bollocks of the highest order. He only looks out for himself, him and his feckin' Autobots. I'll Autobot him if I getta hold of him let me tell ya... that little metallic fucker".

Police surveillance cameras show Prime travelling in excess of 85 mph just minutes before the accident. Rumour has it Prime had been late for a grand showdown against the Decepticons (Prime's enemies) over the kidnapping of fellow Autobot, Bumble Bee, and was trying to make up time. Apparently the Decepticons have a secret hideout in Ireland now.

"clearly shaken"

A clearly shaken Prime, recovering in a hospital-garage (Herbie checked into a psychiatric-hospital-garage when he went bananas incidentally), had this to say, "I… I… I don't know what happened. I know I was going fast, I had no idea how fast, I… I… I just lost it… It's hard transforming into a massive cargo truck yah know. You have no idea how unwieldy you become when you're a big fucking truck. I mean why can't I turn into a cool spaceship like Star Scream? That would make things so much easier and tragedies like this would never occur. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a certain Bumble Bee out there who needs me".

Gardai are treating the giant Robot in Disguise as suspicious.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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