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Topics: Earth

Friday, 8 April 2005

Tired of the ongoing moral decline in the world today God has taken the rather unusual step of issuing a statement to the people of Earth.

The tape believed to be genuine was sent to the Reuters news offices last week and has been in the hands of the FBI who have been analysing the tape to confirm its authenticity. The tape appears to show God sitting on a large golden throne in heaven, his message is quite simple "Don't make me come down there!"

God continues his statement by telling us that he is "...thoroughly disappointed in the standards of the people of Earth, I mean I looked down last Friday and even saw people eating meat! I mean that was a sin! You people think you can just rewrite the rules?"

God goes on to explain that in the past month just 4 people have been deemed worthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven whereas 4.7 million people have gone to the fiery pits of Hell. "Anyone hoping to see their dead relatives when they die has a pretty high chance" says God "But don't count on seeing them in Heaven! All this sin and debauchery has to stop! I mean it! I will come down there and smite every last one of you sinners if I have to!"

"When I wrote the commandments they weren't guidelines or request they were commands and as your creator I expect them to be obeyed! I have a rather large stock of lightning bolts and I wouldn't think twice about blasting one right at any one of you" threatened God "Remember the flood! Remember the plagues! Huh HUH!"

Some people are very worried about the tape. One death row inmate had this to say "Well I certainly won't be committing any more murders; I've certainly learned my lesson." Others are sceptical about the tape "How do we know it's really God?" said one sceptic "It could just be Santa or someone else with a big beard."

Whether the tape is genuine or not, it is making people worldwide look at the lives they are living. Do people want to change? Will God really come down here? Will this tape make any difference the moral decline? This reporter thinks probably, maybe and no.

Make Phillie Joe Marshall's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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