Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

image for Switzerland Thumbs Its Nose At America and Releases Roman Polanski - The U.S. Plans To Invade Switzerland
Roman Polanski's Zurich Mansion Chateau Big Honker.

ZURICH - Swiss Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf, which is Swiss for chickensh*t, has announced that she has decided not to extradite child molester Roman Polanski to America, and to grant him his full freedom instead.

Widner-Chump stated that Polanski has already suffered enough and he is truly sorry for what he did to that 13-year-old little American girl.

She went on to say that the girl is now 46-years-old and chances are that she no longer remembers the vicious attack anyway.

Polanski, who is 76, said that he was grateful to Widner-Schlumpf for not sending him to America where he knows he would have probably been turned into the oldest, ugliest, French piƱata in history.

Polanski's attorney Herve Temime said that Polanski was released because of the fact that he had one of the best damn attorneys in all of Europe.

Mrs. Roman Polanski, aka Emmanuelle Seigner, said that she is glad that her husband will now be free to return to her arms and she is planning on giving him the biggest "BJ" that the ugly French son-of-a-bitch has ever had.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Those are Emmy's exact words. Word on the streets of Zurich is that Mrs. Polanski is one of the horniest women in the entire country.]

When Roman was asked what he thought about the fact that the justice minister's decision is a slap in the face to America he grinned and said, "Tough titty, said the kitty."

After hearing about Switzerland's decision not to send Polanski to the United States, President Obama said that he will sit down with Vice-President Joe Biden, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and White House Special Adviser Oprah Winfrey and map out plans for an American invasion of Switzerland.

SIDENOTE: An unnamed, but extremely highly reliable source has stated that the head of New York's Goombalini family, Salvatore "The Pizzaman" Goombalini, has emailed President Obama and told him that he can have Roman Polanski taken care of nice and quiet like. No word yet as to what the president's reply was.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 1?

2 1 21 6
68 readers are online right now!

Go to top