ZURICH - Swiss Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf, which is Swiss for chickensh*t, has announced that she has decided not to extradite child molester Roman Polanski to America, and to grant him his full freedom instead.
Widner-Chump stated that Polanski has already suffered enough and he is truly sorry for what he did to that 13-year-old little American girl.
She went on to say that the girl is now 46-years-old and chances are that she no longer remembers the vicious attack anyway.
Polanski, who is 76, said that he was grateful to Widner-Schlumpf for not sending him to America where he knows he would have probably been turned into the oldest, ugliest, French piñata in history.
Polanski's attorney Herve Temime said that Polanski was released because of the fact that he had one of the best damn attorneys in all of Europe.
Mrs. Roman Polanski, aka Emmanuelle Seigner, said that she is glad that her husband will now be free to return to her arms and she is planning on giving him the biggest "BJ" that the ugly French son-of-a-bitch has ever had.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Those are Emmy's exact words. Word on the streets of Zurich is that Mrs. Polanski is one of the horniest women in the entire country.]
When Roman was asked what he thought about the fact that the justice minister's decision is a slap in the face to America he grinned and said, "Tough titty, said the kitty."
After hearing about Switzerland's decision not to send Polanski to the United States, President Obama said that he will sit down with Vice-President Joe Biden, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and White House Special Adviser Oprah Winfrey and map out plans for an American invasion of Switzerland.
SIDENOTE: An unnamed, but extremely highly reliable source has stated that the head of New York's Goombalini family, Salvatore "The Pizzaman" Goombalini, has emailed President Obama and told him that he can have Roman Polanski taken care of nice and quiet like. No word yet as to what the president's reply was.