Written by Zako Strle
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Saturday, 10 July 2010

image for Animal Rights Group Approves Consumption of Animals "Killed by Accident"
Eat me!

The meat industry and vegetarians everywhere are rejoicing in the decision by an animal rights group to encourage the consumption of animals that are the victims of accidental death.

"Every day, thousands of otherwise humanely treated animals are struck by lightening or run over by beer trucks and we see no reason why vegetarians and vegans who morally oppose the killing of animals shouldn't consume animals killed in such a humane, ethical, and accidental manner" they announced on their website.

The National Cattlemen's Beef Association (NCBA), the West Virginia Association for the BBQ of Roadkill, and other meat industry groups applauded the decision. A Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) official went so far as to refer to the announcement as "finger-licking good".

An official stated that they are very pleased with the meat industry's support for the decision, most notably, the NCBA's recent announcement to encourage American Cattlemen to allow more grass-fed livestock to roam freely (especially in high-speed traffic areas) and the Poultry Industries decision to promote more humane killing of chickens and turkeys by encouraging the installation of lightening rods on chicken and turkey coups.

The vast majority of vegetarians expressed favorable opinions about the announcement and are looking forward to eating turkeys struck by lightening, especially if the untimely electrocutions are caught on video during another Sarah Palin Turkey Farm interview right around Thanksgiving time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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