LA HABRA, California - Mel Gibson has just announced that he has purchased the movie rights and and will star in the upcoming motion picture The Crazed Bloke - The Sordid Story of Raoul Moat.
Gibson, was sitting by the pool of his $125 a day Holiday Inn Hotel room trying to keep a low profile after the horrendously harrowing week he has had.
Mel said that it seems like lately every single time he opens his mouth he manages to put his size 9 foot in it.
He wanted to point out that only half of the lies that people are saying about him are true. He then pointed out that the other half of the lies are actually lies.
Gibson shook his head and said that at times lately, he does not know if he is coming or going (no pun intended).
When asked if it is true that he made a racist remark about the Seminole Indians of Florida, Gibson got a puzzled look on his face and stated that he has never been in Florida.
He was asked if he made racist remarks about a certain Los Angeles police officer who is of Jewish descent. He paused and said that he does not know any Jewish people and especially any Jewish police officers.
He grinned and asked, "Are there any Jewish police officers in America?"
Next he was asked about his ethnic remarks about an Hispanic employee. He giggled and said that he does not have any Hispanic employees under his employment.
When told that Robertito Picante is employed as his pool cleaner, Gibson said, "Oh you mean Pinata Boy. He is not Hispanic, it is my understanding that Pinata Boy, as he asked me to call him by the way, is actually an Alaskan Eskimo who drifted down to the Lower 48 to find work cleaning pools."
Gibson was then told that he does seem to readily have an answer for everything. He nodded his head and said, "Yes, I have to say that you are absolutely correct on that one...finally!"
Mel was asked about his upcoming movie on the crazed English criminal Raoul Moat. He said that he purchased the rights to the movie because he wants the world to see how a seemingly normal person, can suddenly change his personality, his character, and his persona as if he were merely changing his underwear.
Gibson paused for a moment. His face got red. His hands began to shake. He began to breathe heavily, and he said that he had to go to the bathroom and throw up.
In a related story. Australian authorities are reportedly on their way from Sydney, Australia to take possession of Gibson's Australian pets including three kangaroos, two koala bears, and a pregnant dingo.