A survey by the Department Of Reproductive Health in India has revealed that 90% of Indian men fail to measure up where it matters ... In the trouser department.
The report has found that condoms, manufactured for the international market, are too big for Indian men.
The conclusions have provoked a tidal wave of anger amongst swathes of men from the Indian sub continent.
The report's author Sunil Pleece, 52, said "I have heard countless sad stories of amorous young Indian boys entering chemists to purchase condoms, only to leave with a packet of Tic Tacs and a bottle of Olbas Oil. It's clear to me that these boys are ASHAMED at having to ask pretty shop workers for the smallest condoms they do" he went on.
"Maybe this explains why our population levels are spiralling out of control. Men are simply too embarrassed to wear a condom. Or it could be that small penises and large condoms make for strange bedfellows. They simply fall off during intercourse" he continued.
Finally he said "I would like to see vending machines installed to remove any embarrassment. Or condom manufacturers to supply elastic bands to keep them in place".
Call Centre worker, Awan Datwan, 48 from Delhi dismissed the findings saying "I never have any complaints about my tickle tackle. What do they say ? It's not what you've got but what you do with it. Yes, I am very happy with mine and so is my wife. She must be. She married me when she was eight and we're still together" he laughed.
Bolton Taxi Driver, Bolsdeep Tudehilt, 52, agreed. "I might not have the biggest one in the world but it was big enough to fill a pram. Thirteen of 'em in fact" he said.