Written by anthonyrosania
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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for Israeli Soldier Accepts Toughest Mission: Dating Lindsay Lohan.
Yodel ee-hee-hooooooooooo.

Life in Israel is tough enough: Besides being surrounded on all sides by people that hate them, national military service is mandatory for any citizen over the age of 18.

It's tough for women as well: Israel is unique in that they assign women to infantry combatant service which places them directly in the line of enemy fire. Men serve three years in the IDF, while women serve two.

So once Israeli Eilat Anschel makes it out of the service alive, she has taken on her toughest mission to date: She is dating perennial criminal defendant Lindsay Lohan.

As if military service wasn't bad enough, look into the gigantic fustercluck that is the life of Lindsay Lohan: She currently wears a court ordered SCRAM bracelet to monitor her alcohol and is in danger of going to jail for violating her probation. She's attempting to make a comeback by filiming the biopic Inferno, based on the life of Linda lovelace, but nobody knows if that film will suceed or not.

So, Eilat Anschel's involvement with La Lohan is a concern for many, but not for the reason you might think.

"I don't care if Lindsay is dating a man, a woman or a white-tailed gnu," says an anonymous friend. "What she really needs to do is reject the alcohol, drugs and hangers-on that currently make every day in Lohan's life a danger to her very life."

"I hope she is so happy with Eilat that green bunnies shoot out of her ass," said the crack whore's father, Michael Lohan (allegedy.) "But she needs to stop the drugs and alcohol."

"Keep yodeling in the gulley," He said. "But do it sober. OK?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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