Written by Charpa93
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Monday, 5 July 2010

image for Vatican to Release Scores of Soft Porn Tapes to Raise Money for Legal Defense

Running low on cash and unable to count on their worshippers for much longer to keep the coffers full so they can hire the best legal minds in the world to defend the growing sex abuse claims, the Vatican has agreed to allow the release of hundreds of soft porn tapes for sale on the black market.

The tapes were found in a secret basement compartment of the Office of the Governatorate in Vatican City. They are believed to have been put there by Vatican officials to prevent having them fall into the wrong hands. Wouldn't selling them on the black market constitute as "the wrong hands?" we asked, and were told that since they are retaining control of what tapes will be released, the Vatican will have a better feel for how the tapes are received all over the world.

Said one Vatican official asking not to be identified "Before anyone gets too jazzed up about this news, let me be perfectly clear. There is no real significant porn going on here, just a little touching, some make out sessions between priests and the occasional nun and some flashing. But it's enough to pique interest and that's what we are going for." The tapes will be sold under the titles "Priests Gone Wild," "Nuns Gone Wild," and "Clergy Party II."

Once the story broke, many parishioners were said to have a liazzez-faire attitude claiming that they figured it was the next logical step in this most sordid scandal. They are actually surprised that the tapes aren't more explicit given the news reports of the past few years. Many believe that the Vatican may just be using the soft porn tapes to test the waters before releasing harder tapes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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