Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Hurricane Alex Slams Into Northern Mexico Destroying Mexican Restaurants, Piñata Factories, and A Huge Maracas Plant
Lola De La Verga works as a "Jes Muchacha" (Yes Girl) at Ciudad Enchilada's Esmeralda's Casa de Putas.

CIUDAD ENCHILADA, Mexico - Hurricane Alexander aka Alex slammed into Northern Mexico lashing out with 105 mile per hour winds.

The category 2 hurricane, which is known as Alejandro in Mexico, immediately scattered dozens of burro herds, some of which ended up crossing the Rio Grande River into Texas.

Texas Governor Rick Perry has vowed to round up every last one of the illegal alien burros and ship them all back to Mexico via FedEx.

Pablo Pistolas, 94, who says he has lived in Ciudad Enchilada all of his life, said that he was outside watering his jalapeno plants when he heard the sound of the wind.

He then soon saw the torrents of rain, and almost right away he figured that it was a hurricane. Pablo, who lives with his elderly uncle, Pedro, does not have a television.

Pablo said that he used to have a 9-inch Motorola, but he sold it 7 years ago in order to buy underwear for him and his uncle Pedro.

When asked if his tiny little shack sustained any damage, Pablo shook his head and said that it was really hard to tell since his little one room shack already looked like it had been hit by a hurricane, even before the hurricane had hit.

Meanwhile in downtown Ciudad Enchilada, which was named after Mexico's most popular food item, other than rice, beans, and Tequila-Flavored Tacos, sustained some isolated damage.

Mayor Francisco "The Cisco Kid" Montemonte, 73, said in somewhat horribly broken English. "Dee mudder fooking hurricane, chee came and chee blew dee chit out of priddy mush everyteeng in dee town jes."

The mayor was asked how the town's lone ferry had fared. He got a puzzled look on his face. He shook his head and said, "Dee peoples of Ciudad Enchilada do not like Ramoncito de sissy fairy who leaves here.

Eberry one sey dats because he speeks wiff a kind of San Fransissyco friggin lisp dat all da freakin fairies seems to have got in der mouth."

Mayor Montemonte was asked if perhaps there was someone else in the town who also spoke English that we could better communicate with. He giggled and said that there was but that none of them spoke anywhere near as good broken English as he did.

We traveled around the town and just from self-observation, we noticed that Hurricane Alex or Alejandro, as the locals refer to him, had destroyed about 17 ALTO (STOP) signs.

Alex had also done some extensive damage to about 7 Taco Bells, 6 Tamale Huts, 4 McDonaldo's (McDonald's), and 1 Casa De Los Burritos Chingonones (The House of Great Big Burritos).

In the outskirts of town Alex had destroyed three piñata factories and one of the largest Maracas producing plants in Northern Mexico.

Mayor Montemonte caught up with us in his 1973 Chevy Impala and told us to be sure and spell all of the Mexican names right. He said that his name is M-o-n-t-e-m-o-n-t-e, just the way it sounds.

He asked if we would like to make a donation to the Re-Elect Mayor Montemonte Campaign Fund. I told him that I would mail him a check as soon as I returned back to San Antonio.

In a related story. There is no truth to the rumor that Ciudad Enchilada's Commemorative Pancho Villa Bullring was totally destroyed. Mayor Montemonte simply said that Alejandro picked up about 47 wicker chairs and deposited them three miles away in the courtyard of Esmeralda's Casa de Putas (Esmeralda's Whorehouse).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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