For thousands of years it has plagued alchemists -how to make gold from base materials. The fabled "Philosophers Stone" the very ingredient needed to transform shit into gold has eluded man - until now!
A new discovery by a modern day alchemist has finally made gold from "bananas". It has taken him 57 years to find the secret but finally he has produced the precious metal from his own grown bananas.
Working in secret twenty three hours a day "Erbert Gobstopper" of the Miami State correction department has grown the gold producing fruit by the ton. He discovered that by picking the bananas early and shipping them to Liverpool docks they were "processed" in the technicaly advanced country of England.
After several weeks of said process a check was sent to American Banks and a half ounce of 18 carat gold was delivered to Erbert proving his theory of where there's shit there's gold.
He now is attempting to make diamonds from avocado pears and rubies from the stuff that collects between your toes.