Written by Charpa93
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Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Police Conduct Blitzkrieg against Catholic Church in Belgium, Pope Outraged

Several raids were carried out last Thursday by Belgian police seeking to gather evidence as part of their investigation into allegations of priestly sexual abuse. Documents and computers were confiscated, bishops were held for questioning, and even a crypt said to contain damning documents was opened in what the Pope called a deplorable disregard for Church sanctity and privacy.

While many believe the Pope is angry because he feels the clergy in Belgium need only answer to the Church, not the police, there is more to the story. Typically, when investigating allegations of sex scandals, the Church gives the offending priests and their superiors time to hide evidence and create a case for themselves so that when civil charges are finally brought, the Church has an ironclad defense.

In the recent raids conducted in Belgium, there was no warning and, therefore, no chance that all the evidence that surely will be found against them could be secreted away before being confiscated by the police. In other words, the Catholic Church is screwed, literally and figuratively.

Due to these latest developments, the Vatican is said to have placed an emergency order with Office Depot for six thousand heavy-duty shredders to be shipped to dioceses around the globe in an effort to shred damning documents before the "blitzkrieg craze," as they are calling it, spreads.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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