Written by Morse
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Sunday, 27 June 2010

image for Brussels Sprouts 175 Pages of New Edicts On Food Labeling to Cost UK "Millions!"
With new EU mandates 500 grams of eggs could look like this; give or take a few!

The European Parliament is at it again, coming up with yet more insanely asinine directives to complicate the everyday lives of people living under their mandate, and this time they demand the UK follow suite!

Squirreled away somewhere in a dank office in Brussels, highly paid technicians have come up with additional mind bending directives guaranteed to make life more complicated, and certainly more expensive, as they demand food and other staple producers change their packaging to meet the new edicts.

No longer will suppliers be allowed to label their egg cartons in the traditional way, indicating the box contains either 6 or 12 of the items. Indeed, now each egg must be individually weighed and stamped, then the carton listing the total weight. Depending on the size of the egg, one may expect to get between 8-15 eggs in a carton, depending on the size of the egg laying orifice of the producer.

Pickled eggs will still be sold individually at Pubs, but the percentage of pickling must be stated on each egg and with a government warning concerning resulting flatulence and risks of spontaneous self combustion.

In much the same way, new labeling must be changed to indicate the total weight of a package of 'buns', and being sealed, one would not know how many 'buns' one would get in a 'baker's dozen', it could be 3 or as much as 18 depending on the atmosphere and the humidity in the shop which affects the weight of the flour used.

Packages of condoms are also effected, and no longer will be labeled with the number of items in a pack, but will be sold by the 'column inch' a method surely to lead to the old 'trial & error' factor going back to the 1600's.

Then there is the case of cereal. In reversing itself again, the Council banned the use of weight on a package of Cheerios for example, and instead demanded that the number of the charming little circles be listed prominently on the box so "consumers could plan their weekly menus more exactly,' according to the government note on the packaging.

Lettuce will now be sold by 'the leaf' instead of by the head, grapes by the stalk instead of 'a clump', and grapefruits, oranges and kumquats will be sold by 'cup size', a figure of easurement more widely understood by the number of 'stay at home dads who now do most of the shopping' according to a staff member assigned to keep track of such things.

UK officials call the new mandates 'bonkers', 'madness' and 'pure crap,' but were too late to try to amend the rules since Brussels now controls almost every waking moment of the EU Coalition Members.

Unfortunately, due to Health 'n Safety rules, ministers with their heads 'so far up their arse they can't see nowt' can not be rescued, as it is illegal for other public officials to interfere with Politicians during their moment of ' Divine Enlightenment.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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