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Thursday, 24 June 2010

image for Chavez Nationalizes Fruits & Vegetables: Sean Penn Named Kumquat Czar!
Parsnip Suppository Mandated by Chavez & Endorsed by Sean Penn

Hugo Chavez made a move on controlling the last 20% of the Nation's private industry today by nationalizing all food sources, including imported fruits and vegetables. To insure his mandate was carried out, he imported Hollywood Fruit Sean Penn to oversee enforcement.

Venezuela, a country that imports 70% of it's food supply and whose economy has faltered causing inflation to rise 41% since Chavez began shutting down productivity by having the government take over private industry, is now getting close to the Mugabe level of incompetence.

A recent investigation found 80,000 TONS , that's 160,000,000 pounds, of food ROTTING in a government warehouse because the public officials had no idea what to do with it.

Meanwhile, the country, which sits on a pile of oil, is hardly producing any since government officials took the industry over, and no one knows anything about the machinery. "You won't find any oil spills here!" is Hugo's new claim for environmentally friendly government.

Constant black outs have cut power, since the nation relies primarily on hydro electricity, and due to a draught, and the diversion by Chavez of major rivers to create more water front property for himself, there's hardly anything left to feed the turbines. "George Bush and Jim Cantori did this," says Chavez, petulantly.

Appearing on state run TV, Chavez National Bureaucratic Communications, CNBC, Chavez proudly touted his latest accomplishment as a dietary move to thin down the nation's population. Appearing before a bigger than life size photo of Christie Alley, Chavez hailed his new government free meals program where the government would be supplying prepared shrink wrapped delicacies 'guaranteed to have you lose 50 lbs in a month if you stick with our program!"

Unfortunately, most of the population was unimpressed as the meals require they be micro waved for 5 minutes on 'high" and then left to stand for 3 minutes, a virtual impossibility as Chavez has mandated that the national power grid be only turned on intermittently supplying 2 minute power bursts in order to conserve energy.

Penn was also introduced as the Kumquat Czar, now wearing a full dress military uniform with appropriate medals indicating his authority with the order of the Passion Fruit, the Nectarine, the Vidalia Onion, and the Greek Olive looking quite stiff in front of the cameras due to a Parsnip being stuck up his ass in an attempt to control verbal flatulence.

Also on hand was Follywood director and fan Oliver Stone who was scouting locations for his 2nd documentary praising 'the foresight, fortitude, forward vision and humanitarianism' of Chavez, who he said would go down in history as the 'saviour of his country, and all of Latin America due to his concern for the eating habits of his constituents and his innovative creation of 'meals on wheels for fat capitalist BASTARDS."

McDonalds announced that they were closing all of their franchises but one, that being maintained in the Presidential Palace in Caracas where Chavez entertains his Follywood Friends who come to praise him, most carrying their own food consisting of Trail Mix, Sunflower Seeds and preserved Tofu.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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